I am going to fly to UK in less than two months, what an excitement. Hahas, I don't have the RM 30,000 yet for the trip, erm, tuition and living fees. ^^ Hopefully can get it by this month.

The title reads depreciation but I am not talking about the Sterling. Yeah, maybe the depreciation in Pound will appreciate the value of my trip there but that's another matter now.

TARCians going to SHU do not really go there for the degree, as I observed, but for the Euro tours. Certificate is secondary to most of us, including me. For me, I had list down some of the places in UK and also Europe where I wanted to visit.

One of the place of my interest would be the Old Trafford Stadium of Manchester United, the holy land of MU fans. I had done my research, it costs £12.50 for museum entrance and also a guided tour, hopefully by some famous ex-players. ^^ I bet I can see the English League Cup there as won by the team this term.

The most precious trophy I was looking forward to was the Champions League trophy. But after the match on Wednesday, my chance to see the coveted trophy with my eyes in an arm length distance vanish, thanks to the "mighty" Germans. Fuck T.T Now let just hope I am lucky enough to have the chance to view the Premiership trophy in the cabinet within OT compound.

Really hope that MU will win it as the value of my visit to UK has already depreciated too much already. If really there's this worst case scenario, I can just hope that England can win the fucking World Cup. Just let me feel the atmosphere of supported team winning. T.T I will get Malaysian flag for the victory parade if England wins.

As contrary to the post title, being at my hometown will never provide me with peaceful life in terms of physical aspect. War is raging everyday in this little family of mine. But, I had come to some inner peace since I came back a week ago. It feels weird that I had no longer complaining or even thinking about going into a relationship.

It had been a week since my last post and I thought I should write at least something to make this blog active. For the past week, I had been posting songs that I feel the lyrics suit me, or maybe just the music is nice. ^^ Lets go back to my opening topic.

I had been portrayed as seriously desperate guy in need to be in a relationship. Actually I am still not into serious relationship but being in KL somewhat makes me feel like college should be the place. I am not ready for it, I think too much, especially on how am I going to take care of another person when I myself is heading towards damnation.

Being in Melaka had gave me the love of family although the people here quarrel everyday. It makes me forget about other form of love. Even my little kitties can accompany me during midnights when all others had gone to bed. Always wanted to find a girl that acts like those cute creatures, which likes to be pampered. I unable to do that yet to a lady.

And maybe friendship comes into play too. Since coming back here, I had faced the monitor almost 24 hours a day. I got the chance to interact with friends that will argue and debate anything with me. Those "gayness" relationship with Nigel, Oscar, Joseph, Ronald and Greg helped a lot. (P/S: We are straight. Nigel, I'm still breaking up with you.)

Although the desperate feeling fades, but I still try to think of any girl that maybe some time in future possibly become the sister-in-law of those bros out there. I was able to reassess what i want in my partner and hell it's a total different direction from what I wanted when I enter college. Taste changes and maybe I should go for a mature-thinking girl, who looks okay (Looks is still important, although years later my taste will change again).

A rule of thumb, the girl must "进得了厨房，出得了厅堂，上得了床"! LOLx Hopefully she will come. The sooner, the better. Gone, Nigel, Gone!

Yesterday, I went for Continuous Tourism Related Education courses that is required for me to renew my tourist guide license. It is the first time I took the course outside Melaka, and it's kind of anxious, entering an unknown territory.

Before I go into details of the course, I will like to say that sometimes fate just don't run into me. I knew her class was some time around 9AM, thus I went out to the LRT station just about the right time and even went to the McD near her campus. I waited and she did not appeared. I really had to go as my registration time is at 9.30AM.

Then, I just continue my journey after my breakfast at McD. Came to Global Institute of Tourism for the second time in a week. This time, there are humans greeting me in the front office, contrary to last week where I had to look for people to attend to my enquiries. The attendance was exceeded my expectation, 50+ for Chinese class about "Sun Zhu's The Art of War" and 40+ for English class about "1Malaysia". The first class was quite interesting and there is an animated video for us to watch. The class was presented by Alvin Sim, a tourist guide himself.

Then, after the 1st class ended, I requested for the Wifi password for GIT's Internet connection. When I logged in Facebook, I need to whine about my luck and the fate to meet her. She went to the exact same McD after I left. She reach 1 hour later, apparently she was late for class. =.= Well, there is really no fate between us as her class ends earlier than mine ("1Malaysia" class had not started yet) and I cannot go back with her. T.T

Heartbreak. Went out early hoping to meet her and she was there late. T.T Never mind, let's continue. The "1Malaysia" talk started and presented was by Mr. Isvaran. From my point of view, he may not have much credible argument when challenged by fellow tourist guides but his passion towards multiracial unity is plausible. His talk was not quite accepted by some people but I really admire him embracing the culture of other races. He did show himself wearing Malay and Indian traditional attire. He even mentioned he wore Cheongsam before, led to laughter around the class. He was referring to the traditional male attire of "Samfu", which to my amusement non of the tourist guide knows, or the did not bother to share what they know like I do.

Mr. Isvaran also asked us to gave our opinion on how to encourage people to support the 1Malaysia concept. I personally feel that these concept are initiated by those people in power and the opposition will politicized it not caring whether it was good or bad to the people. Government must make sure that these noble programs should not be use as a mean to gain popularity. Maybe by distancing themselves from the whole concept can make it more acceptable for people from both fraction of the nation. That's my opinion, please leave yours in the comment section.

Then, that was my day. On other happenings, my house was broke in yesterday morning. None of my stuff were lost but felt bad for my housemate who lost his new hand phone to the burglar. I hope that there will be eternal bad luck for the burglar and hopefully there will not be any misfortune for us in these last two months staying here.

Is it worth it waiting for two weeks doing nothing, just to have a dinner with a person? It is a dinner that is, but the feel would be different. Totally different. As promised, the gate linking my two world would be shut down in 24 hours, hopefully it does. =.=" So, this might be my last post in which my foot does not touch the ground.

I really don't quite understand people's language on this topic. Is it a indefinite no or no for now? I just asked two persons' opinion and they gave me two answers from different end of the extremes.

The first person I had consulted is one of the few people that can give me direct critical answer, O.o (You know yourself). O.o did thought of it quite long, busy on porno perhaps. But he came out with an answer I prefer more, every relationship starts from a simple friendship. What can I do now? Be friends lo. Let time flows, and pray hard hoping for miracle. The waiting part is the one I dislike, but in reality, it is what I am going to face from now on. T.T

The second advice came from one of my closest girl friend. Well, her answer was a direct no. She says she is sorry for being frank with me. She even asked me find other girls. =.= Where find lo? Even if I believe in fate, I don't think I have fate with anyone. T.T You girls don't intro your friends, where I find girl friends? Sigh, it seems reality and fantasy are not indifferent after all.

Tomorrow was all I hope for, sacrificing two weeks of time. But the outcome is not as I wanted, but is what I expected. Tomorrow, the gate will close, I had made my choice to return to Earth. But before I leave, I wished to have a great last day in my fictional world.

This reminds me of a quote from City of Angels in which Seth says, "I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it!" One date with her as friends rather than regretting not making a move. ^^ Conflicting thoughts running through my mind now though.

There are imperfections in the reality world, and fantasy completes the gap between reality and perfection. Am I the only person living in the fantasy world we created? I really lived in this world, the world I liked. It was my choice, a choice that I feel the right one.

An element is added to this world four years ago, which I hope that I would gradually remove by filling the gap through a real one. Reality may never be perfect, but as in my case, fantasy's worse. After four years of journey, I had not a bit fill those gaps, but it seems that the gap had widen.

A fantasy world that I will find true love? Bullshit! That's the only thing I can say for myself now. In a couple of days, my journey here will be officially come to an end. Along the road, I just experienced the pain caused by my naive thinking that there will be a perfect one. If you ask me now what I consider as perfect, I am unable to answer you. The right one will not be the perfect one, and I agree to this statement now.

Maybe the ending of my journey here will finally shut down my fantasy world. Returning to the reality, where I think I will perform better. I always thought that giving my all will result in a favorable ending. But in every case, the exact opposite happen. My fantasy turned into the worst nightmare I had experienced.

In reality, many people put high hopes on me. I am not sure that they really appreciate me or using me, but at least I am somebody important. You must be at least something to be used by others, right? My dad wanted me to join politics, my friends want to start businesses with me, I want to learn more about everything. It seems the formation in my reality world is better for my future, and the route is already established.

The realities bring me more joy than fantasies. My friends who are always there to support me, amid some who lambasted with words I can't accept. My family members who are there for me. My achievement which I can be proud of. My everything that people envy.

Fantasy such as perfect love relation may not exist. Virtual relation, speed dating. I triad some. As someone say, the faster it come, the faster it will go. True love may or may not give me happiness. Maybe finding someone who can support me is better than finding someone who can love me. If there is really such girl, I will give up love.

Maybe I should stop visiting my fantasy world again. It's going to end in about five more days. Everything deserve one last chance, right? Or not so right? One last chance. If it doesn't goes well, it will be my last try. If it goes well, it will not be fantasy anymore, it's reality.

Making decision is so hard. The number of outcomes is hell lot and impossible to anticipate the results. Some decisions are wise ones, while some may be destructive.

What are the probability of making two same decision through different media which I may come to regret in maybe a few days or I may had already regretted? Freaking out, making quick and stupid decision. That's just the classic me. T.T

It had all been going well. I was supposed to be in some movie theater now. But some decisions are made and here I am now, confused on whether I should regret or not. Rushing someone go and back from a movie is not I want, thus it's rescheduled or maybe the day will never come again. T.T

That was not the only decision I am so worry. When something once happened to me, I really freaked out when similar situation occurs. Maybe it's just some other stuff but she really used exactly the same words I used to get. It's scary. A decision I made after quite a long consultation and quite a long time before I really enter those words.

Got the same reply as previously. I am not a man of speech, so maybe what I write really is not substantially sincere for others. I just unable to say it out real life. T.T

At least I am still alive, not pressured to death thinking of the possibility of stuff if I had not uttered those words. Life's decisions, one will affects all. Hopefully, it affect my path to a better route. ^^

These few days I had been thinking of many stuffs that happened in the past years, comparing it with some scenarios I encountered recently. So much similarity. It brought me fear, my heartbeat increase suddenly, and feels the psychological pain.

Is it so hard to forget the past? She is one chapter of my life. Why can't I just remove that chapter from my book of life? Wounds can be healed, but it leaves a scar. A nail hammered into a wood, and it will never be perfect anymore, even if the nail had been removed.

Someone advised me that there is no use wooing a girl who had her heart taken. I will feel the pain, she will have her own difficulties too. I think this person was right. Another says that girls will just remember someone for the good memories, ignoring the bad ones. Would they come to their senses? Love is blind. I can see it in my everyday context, just I don't understand it.

Winning over a taken heart, is it possible? I had seen examples that have happy endings, but these examples are greatly outdone by the heartbroken examples. It's not impossible, but the challenge is there, and I am walking into it again.

Why am I so obstinate? A hope that is created by my brain to form an illusion of possible success? Who am I cheating? Sometimes when I started to think logically, I felt like crying, but there was no one there for me to share this feeling.

Hopefully those bad memories can be overcome by finally meeting the right one. The one who has the magical power to heal wounds leaving no scars unattended. Like a plastic surgeon. =P

Wooing a girl. Why is it so hard? Really could not understand. Every time I am in this position, I really lose my direction. Then I go emo. >.<

Wooing a girl that had her heart fortified is even harder. Girls, even if one is single, no one could break into their hearts if it had been filled. Sometimes there are hints, many of them, but I just try to ignore them, telling myself it is not true, keeping my dead hope alive.

There are times that makes me think whether what I am doing is stupid enough. Once waited for a year, ended with my broken heart shattered further. Not enough with those pain, I really don't understand why am I still wanting to get involve in this kind of feeling.

There had been many posts these few days since the end of examination. It's really boring here right now. Many ideas and musics that I would like to share in my blog. Just waiting for the right mood.

To be honest, I am not immune to homesick. I really miss my family members back in Melaka. It has been more than eight months since I really go back home, excluding the few minutes I back home to take keys. Hadn't seen my grandmother and father since Year 2 started. Even my little kitty forgotten about me, running away when I go back to take those keys. I really have the urge to just drive home right now. T.T Why am I still here? Hoping for a possible date.

There is this girl who I am trying to woo. She is somebody. That's all I can say. Asking a girl for a date is really my worst area of expertise. Some say exam is tough, I say dating is tougher. Others say work is tedious, I say dating exhaust me. But I am trying. Some ask me to look into her to see how she feels, I really had no idea. But ask me to take a guess, I would say no feel. I am on my own, in the process of trial and error, just there are not much room for errors.

Now my question is, does it worth it? Sacrificing my extra two weeks with my family for a possible date? A date that I can only wait for a reply, not even confirm. My instinct tells me that I must take this risk although the probability of return is way too low. My instinct always fail me, hopefully not this time.

Time will tell if what I am doing is right. Now, I can just only wait for her reply. >.<

"Patience is the key to success in war", one wise man once told me. Well, a wise friend actually. You know it's you. =.=" Only you read my blog constantly. And I write this to say that you are always right, though for in real life you can dream only of me admitting it.

I, as you all had known me, am not as calm in taking action as when I am planning for action. Impromptu and on the scene decision is always my weakness, and most of the time I took some fast but disastrous actions.

Inability to think consciously when pressured had ruined many stuff. Today is another example, which is not something that I am proud of. Only if it had not scare her off that I will have any chance left. Contingency plans? Not yet. I am still being unable to process what I had just done.

Oh wise Nigel, or any wise guy out there, please comment here to guide me to the path of glory. I am still hoping to claim triumph in the war although I had just lost the crucial battle. Maybe I just don't have confidence in me while I am in an unknown territory.

Life's a theater, a soap opera for some of my really faithful readers. My feeling now is what you had longed to see.

My life is almost perfect, just a little imperfection that ruined everything. Fate is playing a joke on me, and what can I do is just blaming my luck? Blaming it now is just the simplest way to get out of it. Timing? I had took my chance. It wasn't enough, I'm not that kind of material.

But I still have the feeling of not wanting to give up, although I had been too tired of what I had seen. I really wish that everything had not happen. I wish that I wasn't here, for the second time in the same situation.