4 years ago
Before you read this post, I will have to warn you people that I am uttering out my feelings. I only accept comments here and no others, including MSN, FB, SMS, bla bla bla, and the list goes on. This post is inspired after reading one of my friend's post. (When would I be allowed to add your blog to my blog roll?)
It has been half a year since we chatted, online and offline, which was quite unexpectedly happened. I never thought that I would not be talking to someone for that long while meeting almost every other day or so. I don't know whether there are any misunderstandings between us, but I think I am feeling bad now.
Before the problem part of our friendship, let me just write out what I had experienced here. Walking into a class almost 2 years ago and only one person grabbed my attention, not saying love at first sight but just attractive. My friends still think I was blind. Well, opinions. Haha~~
After some time, I try to get to know this girl, and it was good. I then programmed myself to be her one and failed. Then, I try to be friends. And trust me, it sucks as I don't know how to begin with. Then, some time went by. By coincidence I quarreled with assignment group members over some stuff which facilitates our "cold war", as claimed by those close to me. From then onwards, we stop talking, I started hating, and bla bla bla.
I think it's my fault here. T.T But then, explain why the blocking in MSN? Anyhow, one friend told me that maybe we have the same negative qualities that will cause some explosion. Maybe she's right, because it happened. Been hating for quite some time until recently. After my last paper, I suddenly felt that my two years had been constructed around her and to lose her as a friend is actually a failure in life.
I always wanted to try work out things with her, but I don't know how to start. Regretting may be the best thing I can do now. No experience handling such matter before. T.T The second longest so called "cold war" was 3-4 days. Six full months is a whole new level.
It might be hard few months ago, but now I had finally left the fantasy-land, maybe I can try reconciled. And, maybe read her the letter I planned whole year for her birthday but just threw away when the day arrived. Maybe not. LOLx
I once felt hatred towards her (unconsciously), now I might hate myself if I lose this friend. Missed those chats we have, amid an awkward environment every of those times. Hopefully the UK Top-up program will be a good platform. Hopefully. ^^
It has been half a year since we chatted, online and offline, which was quite unexpectedly happened. I never thought that I would not be talking to someone for that long while meeting almost every other day or so. I don't know whether there are any misunderstandings between us, but I think I am feeling bad now.
Before the problem part of our friendship, let me just write out what I had experienced here. Walking into a class almost 2 years ago and only one person grabbed my attention, not saying love at first sight but just attractive. My friends still think I was blind. Well, opinions. Haha~~
After some time, I try to get to know this girl, and it was good. I then programmed myself to be her one and failed. Then, I try to be friends. And trust me, it sucks as I don't know how to begin with. Then, some time went by. By coincidence I quarreled with assignment group members over some stuff which facilitates our "cold war", as claimed by those close to me. From then onwards, we stop talking, I started hating, and bla bla bla.
I think it's my fault here. T.T But then, explain why the blocking in MSN? Anyhow, one friend told me that maybe we have the same negative qualities that will cause some explosion. Maybe she's right, because it happened. Been hating for quite some time until recently. After my last paper, I suddenly felt that my two years had been constructed around her and to lose her as a friend is actually a failure in life.
I always wanted to try work out things with her, but I don't know how to start. Regretting may be the best thing I can do now. No experience handling such matter before. T.T The second longest so called "cold war" was 3-4 days. Six full months is a whole new level.
It might be hard few months ago, but now I had finally left the fantasy-land, maybe I can try reconciled. And, maybe read her the letter I planned whole year for her birthday but just threw away when the day arrived. Maybe not. LOLx
I once felt hatred towards her (unconsciously), now I might hate myself if I lose this friend. Missed those chats we have, amid an awkward environment every of those times. Hopefully the UK Top-up program will be a good platform. Hopefully. ^^
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It has been a long time since the last post, even a longer time since my last serious one. Thinking of writing some serious stuff here might make my boring blog even more boring. But I can't stand what I am seeing.
For the past week, I was in Penang celebrating CNY with my maternal cousins. We had much fun, at home, singing karaoke and playing cards. Most of our activity are indoors except when my aunties suggested we go visit Kek Lok Si. I don't like going outdoors but sightseeing is better than shopping.
We started our journey after dinner and when we reach, it was wow, so many people. The famous temple in Penang surely attracts many visitors especially in the festive seasons when believers went to pray for a better year and tourists like me go just for the viewing.
The traffic jam uphill really make me want to just walk up, getting excited to see the new pavilion. But when we reach up there, it was a little disappointment. Maybe it's not little, I have many comments on everything up on the temple. It was like a funfair in the temple, much like a degraded Genting Highland. Kek Lok Si had surely lost its aura as a temple, to me perhaps.
And funfair decorations are ugly. Firstly, there are lights, different colours, and lots of them, surrounding the temple structure. Even the flowers are not natural with the lights surrounding it. Talk about those flowers, what had been put around the temple is too much, and too fake. It just seems the flower are not nurtured there but transferred there for the CNY just to make the place more "attractive". But the people there might really nurturing those plants as there are shit smells around the temple. Don't get me wrong, I meant the fertilizer. And, yeah, it's sucks to be there.
The next thing I want to talk about would be the donations. The parking fees is acceptable as we need a safe place to park our vehicles. Then there was donation counters all over the temple complex, ranging from joss stick selling to writing names on tiles that used to extend the temple. Fair enough as we are "donating" to charity. Then there was this souvenir store selling absurd items that has no relation to the temple, the religion or even the state of Penang. But my uncle who was quite an opposition fanatic argued that government don't help them Buddhist. =.= Acceptable. But the worst is yet to come. There's this main temple where we need to pay to visit, and the guy at the entrance is damn rude. When we asked about how much to get in, he replied to us that just go away if you don't want to enter. Looking at the bright side, he smiled when we 6 persons paid for the entrance fees. =.=
But where does these donations go to? Charity? Those who in need of help? I don't think so after seeing the new structures in the temple complex. Temples and the monks and nuns should live a humble life, right? But those buildings are over, too majestic. And most of these donations will be used for their new project which is the Kuan Yin Goddess of Mercy pavilion (have mercy on me for condemning the temple's action). The construction cost is RM40million, which I can confidently say more than the worth of most Penangites. I don't even think I can earn that much cumulatively my whole life. Wouldn't it be better for the temple to donate those money to those in need? I think RM40million can help at least 40 poor kids to survive, assuming those kids are really lucky to have RM1million each as donation. =.=
Some might argue it is inevitable as the temple need to expand to attract tourists. But think again, should the temple be visited by those faithful believers? Commercializing the religion and taking advantage of the name of the religion is not part of the teachings of the religion. They should be humble, and set their mind free from material wealth, which I don't see them portray through their ever increasing structures. Maybe if this was done by a corporate company, I would say it's a good move. But for a temple, please channel your donations collected to those in need. And take off those disgusting flowers and lights.
For me personally, I don't think it's a good move by everyone involved to support what is going on there at Kek Lok Si and maybe some other religious sites. A place for prayer made into a funfair, a lost of it main purpose of existence. I can't feel the presence of divine being here anymore. T.T I visited Kek Lok Si once before, it was better then.
For the past week, I was in Penang celebrating CNY with my maternal cousins. We had much fun, at home, singing karaoke and playing cards. Most of our activity are indoors except when my aunties suggested we go visit Kek Lok Si. I don't like going outdoors but sightseeing is better than shopping.
We started our journey after dinner and when we reach, it was wow, so many people. The famous temple in Penang surely attracts many visitors especially in the festive seasons when believers went to pray for a better year and tourists like me go just for the viewing.
The traffic jam uphill really make me want to just walk up, getting excited to see the new pavilion. But when we reach up there, it was a little disappointment. Maybe it's not little, I have many comments on everything up on the temple. It was like a funfair in the temple, much like a degraded Genting Highland. Kek Lok Si had surely lost its aura as a temple, to me perhaps.
And funfair decorations are ugly. Firstly, there are lights, different colours, and lots of them, surrounding the temple structure. Even the flowers are not natural with the lights surrounding it. Talk about those flowers, what had been put around the temple is too much, and too fake. It just seems the flower are not nurtured there but transferred there for the CNY just to make the place more "attractive". But the people there might really nurturing those plants as there are shit smells around the temple. Don't get me wrong, I meant the fertilizer. And, yeah, it's sucks to be there.
The next thing I want to talk about would be the donations. The parking fees is acceptable as we need a safe place to park our vehicles. Then there was donation counters all over the temple complex, ranging from joss stick selling to writing names on tiles that used to extend the temple. Fair enough as we are "donating" to charity. Then there was this souvenir store selling absurd items that has no relation to the temple, the religion or even the state of Penang. But my uncle who was quite an opposition fanatic argued that government don't help them Buddhist. =.= Acceptable. But the worst is yet to come. There's this main temple where we need to pay to visit, and the guy at the entrance is damn rude. When we asked about how much to get in, he replied to us that just go away if you don't want to enter. Looking at the bright side, he smiled when we 6 persons paid for the entrance fees. =.=
But where does these donations go to? Charity? Those who in need of help? I don't think so after seeing the new structures in the temple complex. Temples and the monks and nuns should live a humble life, right? But those buildings are over, too majestic. And most of these donations will be used for their new project which is the Kuan Yin Goddess of Mercy pavilion (have mercy on me for condemning the temple's action). The construction cost is RM40million, which I can confidently say more than the worth of most Penangites. I don't even think I can earn that much cumulatively my whole life. Wouldn't it be better for the temple to donate those money to those in need? I think RM40million can help at least 40 poor kids to survive, assuming those kids are really lucky to have RM1million each as donation. =.=
Some might argue it is inevitable as the temple need to expand to attract tourists. But think again, should the temple be visited by those faithful believers? Commercializing the religion and taking advantage of the name of the religion is not part of the teachings of the religion. They should be humble, and set their mind free from material wealth, which I don't see them portray through their ever increasing structures. Maybe if this was done by a corporate company, I would say it's a good move. But for a temple, please channel your donations collected to those in need. And take off those disgusting flowers and lights.
For me personally, I don't think it's a good move by everyone involved to support what is going on there at Kek Lok Si and maybe some other religious sites. A place for prayer made into a funfair, a lost of it main purpose of existence. I can't feel the presence of divine being here anymore. T.T I visited Kek Lok Si once before, it was better then.
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After so many years looking for the one for me, and after so many years without a date on Valentine's Day, finally this year I had a date, with people that I can be together with, for life. These people never give up on me, always been at my side.
Happy Chinese New Year! Welcoming the year of tiger. ^^ This year's Valentine's Day is on the same day as CNY and I finally got to celebrate V Day with someone I loved, my family. Reunion dinner was the usual stuff, bla bla bla... Then was the ang pows. The red packets this year is surely better than of last year, better economy perhaps. LOL
The first day gone-by as usual. My family went to the church in the morning. Kinda boring, but it's our responsibility to the Almighty. This year is the first year I did not take ang pows from the church as I was lazy to queue up. =.= Didn't even take the oranges made available. Our family went straight home, had our breakfast, which was our reunion dinner's leftover. Then, it's the waiting game. Wait for people come to house and visit. For the 1st day just two family visited us (Getting lesser by the year).
Then it's our turn to visit people. First stop, YB's house, which we had never missed a year. The red packet given was also a large one, in terms of amount, and this year is was an even larger one. RM 50. ^^ Next stop, our granduncle's house. As usual, the house is full of people and a collection of 6 red packet there. Hohoho...
After dinner, we started our journey to Penang. For the 1st time we drive to Penang without the presence of dad. ^^ or I should T.T? At 1AM, just when we enter the highway, out car broke down. Okay, I should T.T. Our car is transferred to a workshop and need to wait till 9PM before the mechanic arrive. After repair is done, we continue our journey. I was given the driver's seat at Sungkai's Rest Area. Driving on the highway at 110kph is boring. Dare not drive fast as scared of speed trap. T.T
Now in Penang, boring like hell, thus visiting cyber cafe. Yesterday went to uncle's house on the island, then visited the night market at Batu Feringgi, which was boring. Planned to visit a relative today, now to be exact, but, the aunties wanted to go shopping. =.= That's why I am here now. Shopping is boring.
About feelings, I still missed my last day at fantasy-land, the last memory that will be my best. ^^ I had just celebrated the best Valentine's Day in my life, but the worst CNY. T.T Should I be glad or disappointed? Well, the Thursday before CNY/Valentine's Day is the best in my opinion. No objection. ^^
Please leave comment as a form of encouragement and spread the blog through the Facebook share button below the right column. Thanks.
Happy Chinese New Year! Welcoming the year of tiger. ^^ This year's Valentine's Day is on the same day as CNY and I finally got to celebrate V Day with someone I loved, my family. Reunion dinner was the usual stuff, bla bla bla... Then was the ang pows. The red packets this year is surely better than of last year, better economy perhaps. LOL
The first day gone-by as usual. My family went to the church in the morning. Kinda boring, but it's our responsibility to the Almighty. This year is the first year I did not take ang pows from the church as I was lazy to queue up. =.= Didn't even take the oranges made available. Our family went straight home, had our breakfast, which was our reunion dinner's leftover. Then, it's the waiting game. Wait for people come to house and visit. For the 1st day just two family visited us (Getting lesser by the year).
Then it's our turn to visit people. First stop, YB's house, which we had never missed a year. The red packet given was also a large one, in terms of amount, and this year is was an even larger one. RM 50. ^^ Next stop, our granduncle's house. As usual, the house is full of people and a collection of 6 red packet there. Hohoho...
After dinner, we started our journey to Penang. For the 1st time we drive to Penang without the presence of dad. ^^ or I should T.T? At 1AM, just when we enter the highway, out car broke down. Okay, I should T.T. Our car is transferred to a workshop and need to wait till 9PM before the mechanic arrive. After repair is done, we continue our journey. I was given the driver's seat at Sungkai's Rest Area. Driving on the highway at 110kph is boring. Dare not drive fast as scared of speed trap. T.T
Now in Penang, boring like hell, thus visiting cyber cafe. Yesterday went to uncle's house on the island, then visited the night market at Batu Feringgi, which was boring. Planned to visit a relative today, now to be exact, but, the aunties wanted to go shopping. =.= That's why I am here now. Shopping is boring.
About feelings, I still missed my last day at fantasy-land, the last memory that will be my best. ^^ I had just celebrated the best Valentine's Day in my life, but the worst CNY. T.T Should I be glad or disappointed? Well, the Thursday before CNY/Valentine's Day is the best in my opinion. No objection. ^^
Please leave comment as a form of encouragement and spread the blog through the Facebook share button below the right column. Thanks.
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Reached home four hours ago. Walk in see dad sleep in front of the monitor again. =.= The journey was okay, not too fast or too slow. Started journey after a lovely dinner with someone. T.T (I know the emo seems wrong here, but there's no typo.)
As usual, Ampang traffic a bit congested. Then the flow quite smooth from then on. I tried to maintain my speed at around 90-100kph but it makes me one of the slowest vehicle on the road. =.= Sometimes a little throttle speeds me up to 140kph. What happen to my snail-pace car? That speed brought some bad to me as I reached the toll plaza 17 minutes before the 20% discount period. WTF =.=
Then I drive through Melaka road as if I were in KL. No cars. Melaka road really no challenge, which is a good thing for me perhaps? Reached home at 12:09AM and this brings us back to daddy sleeping in front of the monitor. He woke up eventually and had some chat. ^^
After that, I went to the kitchen, to torture my little kitties having their good night sleep. ^^ So cute, missed them so much. But, unfortunately my brother tell me one gone missing. T.T If a cat went missing, most probably it's dead, either they run away to not let their owner see them die due to sickness, or as in my cat case, maybe being whacked. Pray for him to be with Almighty.
As for now, set up my computer for temporary usage. =.= Used home computer makes me want to slam the monitor. Luckily I brought back this cute computer from KL. Well, I don't know what time I be sleeping. But nothing write already for now. Maybe reality's boring and fantasy's soap opera, have more stuffs to write there.
As usual, Ampang traffic a bit congested. Then the flow quite smooth from then on. I tried to maintain my speed at around 90-100kph but it makes me one of the slowest vehicle on the road. =.= Sometimes a little throttle speeds me up to 140kph. What happen to my snail-pace car? That speed brought some bad to me as I reached the toll plaza 17 minutes before the 20% discount period. WTF =.=
Then I drive through Melaka road as if I were in KL. No cars. Melaka road really no challenge, which is a good thing for me perhaps? Reached home at 12:09AM and this brings us back to daddy sleeping in front of the monitor. He woke up eventually and had some chat. ^^
After that, I went to the kitchen, to torture my little kitties having their good night sleep. ^^ So cute, missed them so much. But, unfortunately my brother tell me one gone missing. T.T If a cat went missing, most probably it's dead, either they run away to not let their owner see them die due to sickness, or as in my cat case, maybe being whacked. Pray for him to be with Almighty.
As for now, set up my computer for temporary usage. =.= Used home computer makes me want to slam the monitor. Luckily I brought back this cute computer from KL. Well, I don't know what time I be sleeping. But nothing write already for now. Maybe reality's boring and fantasy's soap opera, have more stuffs to write there.
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Today is officially my last day as a TARCian in KL. My last day before I cross over the borders of reality and reason. I really feel very happy now, except that I will be driving tonight, which will be tiring. T.T
Last day here would be the same, online facing the monitor waiting for people to chat. And later, I will start to packed my stuff. LOL My stuff is extremely little, I think 30 minutes can clear all already.
One of the hardest feeling leaving here is leaving behind memories and possible chances, which don't have the passport to cross to reality world. Will miss them very much. Hopefully they can immigrate illegally. ^^
And I hope tonight will be a nice outing. I really wished for more, but this is the most I can get out of a magnificent person. Hopefully, things will go well in the future. If I'd agree to one-to-one outing, I am yet to give up. Before the verdict is laid down, we will still be friends, as requested. I hope to see more of you after tonight.
Waking up tomorrow morning in my little wooden house which I really missed. Seeing every member of my family together again after almost 9 months. ^^ I don't know if I had time to write more before CNY as I will chat, chat and chat with them all day long. So, an early Gongxi Valentine greetings here from me to you. Cheers ^^
Last day here would be the same, online facing the monitor waiting for people to chat. And later, I will start to packed my stuff. LOL My stuff is extremely little, I think 30 minutes can clear all already.
One of the hardest feeling leaving here is leaving behind memories and possible chances, which don't have the passport to cross to reality world. Will miss them very much. Hopefully they can immigrate illegally. ^^
And I hope tonight will be a nice outing. I really wished for more, but this is the most I can get out of a magnificent person. Hopefully, things will go well in the future. If I'd agree to one-to-one outing, I am yet to give up. Before the verdict is laid down, we will still be friends, as requested. I hope to see more of you after tonight.
Waking up tomorrow morning in my little wooden house which I really missed. Seeing every member of my family together again after almost 9 months. ^^ I don't know if I had time to write more before CNY as I will chat, chat and chat with them all day long. So, an early Gongxi Valentine greetings here from me to you. Cheers ^^
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Is it worth it waiting for two weeks doing nothing, just to have a dinner with a person? It is a dinner that is, but the feel would be different. Totally different. As promised, the gate linking my two world would be shut down in 24 hours, hopefully it does. =.=" So, this might be my last post in which my foot does not touch the ground.
I really don't quite understand people's language on this topic. Is it a indefinite no or no for now? I just asked two persons' opinion and they gave me two answers from different end of the extremes.
The first person I had consulted is one of the few people that can give me direct critical answer, O.o (You know yourself). O.o did thought of it quite long, busy on porno perhaps. But he came out with an answer I prefer more, every relationship starts from a simple friendship. What can I do now? Be friends lo. Let time flows, and pray hard hoping for miracle. The waiting part is the one I dislike, but in reality, it is what I am going to face from now on. T.T
The second advice came from one of my closest girl friend. Well, her answer was a direct no. She says she is sorry for being frank with me. She even asked me find other girls. =.= Where find lo? Even if I believe in fate, I don't think I have fate with anyone. T.T You girls don't intro your friends, where I find girl friends? Sigh, it seems reality and fantasy are not indifferent after all.
Tomorrow was all I hope for, sacrificing two weeks of time. But the outcome is not as I wanted, but is what I expected. Tomorrow, the gate will close, I had made my choice to return to Earth. But before I leave, I wished to have a great last day in my fictional world.
This reminds me of a quote from City of Angels in which Seth says, "I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it!" One date with her as friends rather than regretting not making a move. ^^ Conflicting thoughts running through my mind now though.
I really don't quite understand people's language on this topic. Is it a indefinite no or no for now? I just asked two persons' opinion and they gave me two answers from different end of the extremes.
The first person I had consulted is one of the few people that can give me direct critical answer, O.o (You know yourself). O.o did thought of it quite long, busy on porno perhaps. But he came out with an answer I prefer more, every relationship starts from a simple friendship. What can I do now? Be friends lo. Let time flows, and pray hard hoping for miracle. The waiting part is the one I dislike, but in reality, it is what I am going to face from now on. T.T
The second advice came from one of my closest girl friend. Well, her answer was a direct no. She says she is sorry for being frank with me. She even asked me find other girls. =.= Where find lo? Even if I believe in fate, I don't think I have fate with anyone. T.T You girls don't intro your friends, where I find girl friends? Sigh, it seems reality and fantasy are not indifferent after all.
Tomorrow was all I hope for, sacrificing two weeks of time. But the outcome is not as I wanted, but is what I expected. Tomorrow, the gate will close, I had made my choice to return to Earth. But before I leave, I wished to have a great last day in my fictional world.
This reminds me of a quote from City of Angels in which Seth says, "I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it!" One date with her as friends rather than regretting not making a move. ^^ Conflicting thoughts running through my mind now though.
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It has been two weeks since exam ended, and I should be in Melaka by now. But here I am, still in KL, waiting. One of the longest waits in my life. Hopefully my prayers will be answered.
While waiting, what should I do? Constructing my blog is the main priority after the wait. Then there was the new year shopping, which I don't like at all.
As for all readers that visited my blog, you can see that the changes are drastic in my little space. Added various widget and functions, some for you guys and some for my convenience updating and controlling the blog. Many posts and musics had been posted too, sharing my thoughts and feelings. Would not be doing all this if I had gone back to Melaka. Maybe the wait is not a waste after all even if there is not date. T.T
Then, it was yesterday, where I go shopping for the first time in two years. Last year, I was spared doing CNY shopping due to exams in college. But, it was not the case for the current year. T.T Met up with friends and we go to Times Square. And WTF I drove there. It was a tiring experience driving in KL, strolling the mall for 6hours and drove back home. Missed a junction while driving back and we go round KL. =.=" But found the way home, and it may be a blessing in disguise and I may had just avoided the traffic jam during peak hour. ^^
Reaching home was a relieve. Having back pain the the 6 hour walk around Times Square and Sungei Wang. How can girls don't like going for a jog at botanical gardens but can go shopping almost everyday? It was more tiring that doing gym and participate in sports for the same amount of time. Now my legs are still aching after a good night sleep. Hopefully I will never ever go shopping again.
Okay, those stuff I had done was boring. All being done just to wait for a meeting with her. Hopefully I will get a positive reply soon, or I will go back Melaka losing a big gamble. But there were no regrets. ^^
While waiting, what should I do? Constructing my blog is the main priority after the wait. Then there was the new year shopping, which I don't like at all.
As for all readers that visited my blog, you can see that the changes are drastic in my little space. Added various widget and functions, some for you guys and some for my convenience updating and controlling the blog. Many posts and musics had been posted too, sharing my thoughts and feelings. Would not be doing all this if I had gone back to Melaka. Maybe the wait is not a waste after all even if there is not date. T.T
Then, it was yesterday, where I go shopping for the first time in two years. Last year, I was spared doing CNY shopping due to exams in college. But, it was not the case for the current year. T.T Met up with friends and we go to Times Square. And WTF I drove there. It was a tiring experience driving in KL, strolling the mall for 6hours and drove back home. Missed a junction while driving back and we go round KL. =.=" But found the way home, and it may be a blessing in disguise and I may had just avoided the traffic jam during peak hour. ^^
Reaching home was a relieve. Having back pain the the 6 hour walk around Times Square and Sungei Wang. How can girls don't like going for a jog at botanical gardens but can go shopping almost everyday? It was more tiring that doing gym and participate in sports for the same amount of time. Now my legs are still aching after a good night sleep. Hopefully I will never ever go shopping again.
Okay, those stuff I had done was boring. All being done just to wait for a meeting with her. Hopefully I will get a positive reply soon, or I will go back Melaka losing a big gamble. But there were no regrets. ^^
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There are imperfections in the reality world, and fantasy completes the gap between reality and perfection. Am I the only person living in the fantasy world we created? I really lived in this world, the world I liked. It was my choice, a choice that I feel the right one.
An element is added to this world four years ago, which I hope that I would gradually remove by filling the gap through a real one. Reality may never be perfect, but as in my case, fantasy's worse. After four years of journey, I had not a bit fill those gaps, but it seems that the gap had widen.
A fantasy world that I will find true love? Bullshit! That's the only thing I can say for myself now. In a couple of days, my journey here will be officially come to an end. Along the road, I just experienced the pain caused by my naive thinking that there will be a perfect one. If you ask me now what I consider as perfect, I am unable to answer you. The right one will not be the perfect one, and I agree to this statement now.
Maybe the ending of my journey here will finally shut down my fantasy world. Returning to the reality, where I think I will perform better. I always thought that giving my all will result in a favorable ending. But in every case, the exact opposite happen. My fantasy turned into the worst nightmare I had experienced.
In reality, many people put high hopes on me. I am not sure that they really appreciate me or using me, but at least I am somebody important. You must be at least something to be used by others, right? My dad wanted me to join politics, my friends want to start businesses with me, I want to learn more about everything. It seems the formation in my reality world is better for my future, and the route is already established.
The realities bring me more joy than fantasies. My friends who are always there to support me, amid some who lambasted with words I can't accept. My family members who are there for me. My achievement which I can be proud of. My everything that people envy.
Fantasy such as perfect love relation may not exist. Virtual relation, speed dating. I triad some. As someone say, the faster it come, the faster it will go. True love may or may not give me happiness. Maybe finding someone who can support me is better than finding someone who can love me. If there is really such girl, I will give up love.
Maybe I should stop visiting my fantasy world again. It's going to end in about five more days. Everything deserve one last chance, right? Or not so right? One last chance. If it doesn't goes well, it will be my last try. If it goes well, it will not be fantasy anymore, it's reality.
An element is added to this world four years ago, which I hope that I would gradually remove by filling the gap through a real one. Reality may never be perfect, but as in my case, fantasy's worse. After four years of journey, I had not a bit fill those gaps, but it seems that the gap had widen.
A fantasy world that I will find true love? Bullshit! That's the only thing I can say for myself now. In a couple of days, my journey here will be officially come to an end. Along the road, I just experienced the pain caused by my naive thinking that there will be a perfect one. If you ask me now what I consider as perfect, I am unable to answer you. The right one will not be the perfect one, and I agree to this statement now.
Maybe the ending of my journey here will finally shut down my fantasy world. Returning to the reality, where I think I will perform better. I always thought that giving my all will result in a favorable ending. But in every case, the exact opposite happen. My fantasy turned into the worst nightmare I had experienced.
In reality, many people put high hopes on me. I am not sure that they really appreciate me or using me, but at least I am somebody important. You must be at least something to be used by others, right? My dad wanted me to join politics, my friends want to start businesses with me, I want to learn more about everything. It seems the formation in my reality world is better for my future, and the route is already established.
The realities bring me more joy than fantasies. My friends who are always there to support me, amid some who lambasted with words I can't accept. My family members who are there for me. My achievement which I can be proud of. My everything that people envy.
Fantasy such as perfect love relation may not exist. Virtual relation, speed dating. I triad some. As someone say, the faster it come, the faster it will go. True love may or may not give me happiness. Maybe finding someone who can support me is better than finding someone who can love me. If there is really such girl, I will give up love.
Maybe I should stop visiting my fantasy world again. It's going to end in about five more days. Everything deserve one last chance, right? Or not so right? One last chance. If it doesn't goes well, it will be my last try. If it goes well, it will not be fantasy anymore, it's reality.
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Making decision is so hard. The number of outcomes is hell lot and impossible to anticipate the results. Some decisions are wise ones, while some may be destructive.
What are the probability of making two same decision through different media which I may come to regret in maybe a few days or I may had already regretted? Freaking out, making quick and stupid decision. That's just the classic me. T.T
It had all been going well. I was supposed to be in some movie theater now. But some decisions are made and here I am now, confused on whether I should regret or not. Rushing someone go and back from a movie is not I want, thus it's rescheduled or maybe the day will never come again. T.T
That was not the only decision I am so worry. When something once happened to me, I really freaked out when similar situation occurs. Maybe it's just some other stuff but she really used exactly the same words I used to get. It's scary. A decision I made after quite a long consultation and quite a long time before I really enter those words.
Got the same reply as previously. I am not a man of speech, so maybe what I write really is not substantially sincere for others. I just unable to say it out real life. T.T
At least I am still alive, not pressured to death thinking of the possibility of stuff if I had not uttered those words. Life's decisions, one will affects all. Hopefully, it affect my path to a better route. ^^
What are the probability of making two same decision through different media which I may come to regret in maybe a few days or I may had already regretted? Freaking out, making quick and stupid decision. That's just the classic me. T.T
It had all been going well. I was supposed to be in some movie theater now. But some decisions are made and here I am now, confused on whether I should regret or not. Rushing someone go and back from a movie is not I want, thus it's rescheduled or maybe the day will never come again. T.T
That was not the only decision I am so worry. When something once happened to me, I really freaked out when similar situation occurs. Maybe it's just some other stuff but she really used exactly the same words I used to get. It's scary. A decision I made after quite a long consultation and quite a long time before I really enter those words.
Got the same reply as previously. I am not a man of speech, so maybe what I write really is not substantially sincere for others. I just unable to say it out real life. T.T
At least I am still alive, not pressured to death thinking of the possibility of stuff if I had not uttered those words. Life's decisions, one will affects all. Hopefully, it affect my path to a better route. ^^
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Sometimes it's easy to read someone's thought, through their eyes, speech or maybe words. But sometimes it is impossible to do so. Why I am so good at analyzing stuff but the ability vaporize when I needed it the most? I don't understand her, which as a result can't help her.
If her problem is with the present, it would be easy for me, as I won't try to advise her. If it was about the past, it is hard as memories stick to our hearts too tightly. Reading some of my friends' blogs makes me more confuse. Why everybody is different?
Although all of them might have different feelings and different ways to repress those after feelings, they have one thing in common. They had their best time once. It's after the best is gone that what's matters. Remember and get hurt or forget and move on. Many would ought to remember, just like me. T.T
Forever is the one word I would not use. Thinking logically, it's almost impossible to achieve. Those who vow for eternal love are suckers. For me, I would love someone till the day she doesn't. Practical, not romantic and girls don't like that. I am not a person with flowery words, maybe that's the reason for what's going on with me.
Vows that one might change in the future and girls love that? Are they sick or what? Maybe they feel that those were the best stuff in their life, and continue to wish it will come back. Maybe those will come back but there are also probability that one would find a better experience. I wish girls would leave those past behind and populate the singles world. Give me chance please.
One last thing I want to be assured of here, I may have feelings for someone that may does not have the same feelings, but I would only love those who love me. Peace out. ^^
If her problem is with the present, it would be easy for me, as I won't try to advise her. If it was about the past, it is hard as memories stick to our hearts too tightly. Reading some of my friends' blogs makes me more confuse. Why everybody is different?
Although all of them might have different feelings and different ways to repress those after feelings, they have one thing in common. They had their best time once. It's after the best is gone that what's matters. Remember and get hurt or forget and move on. Many would ought to remember, just like me. T.T
Forever is the one word I would not use. Thinking logically, it's almost impossible to achieve. Those who vow for eternal love are suckers. For me, I would love someone till the day she doesn't. Practical, not romantic and girls don't like that. I am not a person with flowery words, maybe that's the reason for what's going on with me.
Vows that one might change in the future and girls love that? Are they sick or what? Maybe they feel that those were the best stuff in their life, and continue to wish it will come back. Maybe those will come back but there are also probability that one would find a better experience. I wish girls would leave those past behind and populate the singles world. Give me chance please.
One last thing I want to be assured of here, I may have feelings for someone that may does not have the same feelings, but I would only love those who love me. Peace out. ^^
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These few days I had been thinking of many stuffs that happened in the past years, comparing it with some scenarios I encountered recently. So much similarity. It brought me fear, my heartbeat increase suddenly, and feels the psychological pain.
Is it so hard to forget the past? She is one chapter of my life. Why can't I just remove that chapter from my book of life? Wounds can be healed, but it leaves a scar. A nail hammered into a wood, and it will never be perfect anymore, even if the nail had been removed.
Someone advised me that there is no use wooing a girl who had her heart taken. I will feel the pain, she will have her own difficulties too. I think this person was right. Another says that girls will just remember someone for the good memories, ignoring the bad ones. Would they come to their senses? Love is blind. I can see it in my everyday context, just I don't understand it.
Winning over a taken heart, is it possible? I had seen examples that have happy endings, but these examples are greatly outdone by the heartbroken examples. It's not impossible, but the challenge is there, and I am walking into it again.
Why am I so obstinate? A hope that is created by my brain to form an illusion of possible success? Who am I cheating? Sometimes when I started to think logically, I felt like crying, but there was no one there for me to share this feeling.
Hopefully those bad memories can be overcome by finally meeting the right one. The one who has the magical power to heal wounds leaving no scars unattended. Like a plastic surgeon. =P
Is it so hard to forget the past? She is one chapter of my life. Why can't I just remove that chapter from my book of life? Wounds can be healed, but it leaves a scar. A nail hammered into a wood, and it will never be perfect anymore, even if the nail had been removed.
Someone advised me that there is no use wooing a girl who had her heart taken. I will feel the pain, she will have her own difficulties too. I think this person was right. Another says that girls will just remember someone for the good memories, ignoring the bad ones. Would they come to their senses? Love is blind. I can see it in my everyday context, just I don't understand it.
Winning over a taken heart, is it possible? I had seen examples that have happy endings, but these examples are greatly outdone by the heartbroken examples. It's not impossible, but the challenge is there, and I am walking into it again.
Why am I so obstinate? A hope that is created by my brain to form an illusion of possible success? Who am I cheating? Sometimes when I started to think logically, I felt like crying, but there was no one there for me to share this feeling.
Hopefully those bad memories can be overcome by finally meeting the right one. The one who has the magical power to heal wounds leaving no scars unattended. Like a plastic surgeon. =P
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Wooing a girl. Why is it so hard? Really could not understand. Every time I am in this position, I really lose my direction. Then I go emo. >.<
Wooing a girl that had her heart fortified is even harder. Girls, even if one is single, no one could break into their hearts if it had been filled. Sometimes there are hints, many of them, but I just try to ignore them, telling myself it is not true, keeping my dead hope alive.
There are times that makes me think whether what I am doing is stupid enough. Once waited for a year, ended with my broken heart shattered further. Not enough with those pain, I really don't understand why am I still wanting to get involve in this kind of feeling.
Maybe there is really no one girl that suits me. Emo, and my readers are loving it. T.TWooing a girl that had her heart fortified is even harder. Girls, even if one is single, no one could break into their hearts if it had been filled. Sometimes there are hints, many of them, but I just try to ignore them, telling myself it is not true, keeping my dead hope alive.
There are times that makes me think whether what I am doing is stupid enough. Once waited for a year, ended with my broken heart shattered further. Not enough with those pain, I really don't understand why am I still wanting to get involve in this kind of feeling.
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There had been many posts these few days since the end of examination. It's really boring here right now. Many ideas and musics that I would like to share in my blog. Just waiting for the right mood.
To be honest, I am not immune to homesick. I really miss my family members back in Melaka. It has been more than eight months since I really go back home, excluding the few minutes I back home to take keys. Hadn't seen my grandmother and father since Year 2 started. Even my little kitty forgotten about me, running away when I go back to take those keys. I really have the urge to just drive home right now. T.T Why am I still here? Hoping for a possible date.
There is this girl who I am trying to woo. She is somebody. That's all I can say. Asking a girl for a date is really my worst area of expertise. Some say exam is tough, I say dating is tougher. Others say work is tedious, I say dating exhaust me. But I am trying. Some ask me to look into her to see how she feels, I really had no idea. But ask me to take a guess, I would say no feel. I am on my own, in the process of trial and error, just there are not much room for errors.
Now my question is, does it worth it? Sacrificing my extra two weeks with my family for a possible date? A date that I can only wait for a reply, not even confirm. My instinct tells me that I must take this risk although the probability of return is way too low. My instinct always fail me, hopefully not this time.
Time will tell if what I am doing is right. Now, I can just only wait for her reply. >.<
To be honest, I am not immune to homesick. I really miss my family members back in Melaka. It has been more than eight months since I really go back home, excluding the few minutes I back home to take keys. Hadn't seen my grandmother and father since Year 2 started. Even my little kitty forgotten about me, running away when I go back to take those keys. I really have the urge to just drive home right now. T.T Why am I still here? Hoping for a possible date.
There is this girl who I am trying to woo. She is somebody. That's all I can say. Asking a girl for a date is really my worst area of expertise. Some say exam is tough, I say dating is tougher. Others say work is tedious, I say dating exhaust me. But I am trying. Some ask me to look into her to see how she feels, I really had no idea. But ask me to take a guess, I would say no feel. I am on my own, in the process of trial and error, just there are not much room for errors.
Now my question is, does it worth it? Sacrificing my extra two weeks with my family for a possible date? A date that I can only wait for a reply, not even confirm. My instinct tells me that I must take this risk although the probability of return is way too low. My instinct always fail me, hopefully not this time.
Time will tell if what I am doing is right. Now, I can just only wait for her reply. >.<
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Since exam ended, I had started my dramathon on this Chinese drama. A 50 episode science fiction drama about two guys traveling back to the Qin Dynasty. Now I am at episode 46, which portray the love between the main characters.
Well, the guy is from present day and the lovely lady is one from the past. Thus many stuff that the guy said, such as movies, mobiles (which the lady learnt to use), and some historical facts that had not happen, is not understood by the lady. The guy also knew that what he said is weird for a lady from the past but the lady replied by saying although she does not understand, but she is satisfied just for listening his voice. How lovely.
Now, present it in my context. Many of my friends told me that I always say something that are beyond their understanding and warned me of not talking those stuff to a girl, especially someone special. As usual, I don't care as I would like to find a girl that accept me for who I am. Very unacceptable for some, or I can say most of the people. Is it really hard to find a girl that just support me for being me? Does this kind of girl still exist in this world? Or I really need to wait for a girl that will understand me?
Sometimes I wish that I had a partner who does not have a common topic to talk about, just both of us supporting each other. How boring is it for two person to have a common topic to talk about and when met just talk about these stuff. Maybe I have not been in a relationship before, therefore does not understand you guys. But I want support and care more than a person to talk to in a relationship. Will she come? I wish. When? I am still doubting her existence.
Nevertheless, I am still on the quest to find the one that I care, who will support and accept me for who I am. Now, continue episode 47. ^^
Well, the guy is from present day and the lovely lady is one from the past. Thus many stuff that the guy said, such as movies, mobiles (which the lady learnt to use), and some historical facts that had not happen, is not understood by the lady. The guy also knew that what he said is weird for a lady from the past but the lady replied by saying although she does not understand, but she is satisfied just for listening his voice. How lovely.
Now, present it in my context. Many of my friends told me that I always say something that are beyond their understanding and warned me of not talking those stuff to a girl, especially someone special. As usual, I don't care as I would like to find a girl that accept me for who I am. Very unacceptable for some, or I can say most of the people. Is it really hard to find a girl that just support me for being me? Does this kind of girl still exist in this world? Or I really need to wait for a girl that will understand me?
Sometimes I wish that I had a partner who does not have a common topic to talk about, just both of us supporting each other. How boring is it for two person to have a common topic to talk about and when met just talk about these stuff. Maybe I have not been in a relationship before, therefore does not understand you guys. But I want support and care more than a person to talk to in a relationship. Will she come? I wish. When? I am still doubting her existence.
Nevertheless, I am still on the quest to find the one that I care, who will support and accept me for who I am. Now, continue episode 47. ^^
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